Hopeful nerd cum lifesaver

Recently I’ve came across massive hardships and yet to recover from it. It seemed that I’ve lost my sense of belonging while facing these massive tasks, along with my stands and the very thing to which I recourse in difficult time- my sense of security. It’s been very hard to ease my mind, while resting on possibilities that I will never again find comfort or relief. The change is like being restrained from your past, immersed in responsibilities and facing prospects and countless potential wrong turns of promptness and firmness in considerations and especially, especially making decisions.

Maybe a lot of us never really ponder to the proper definition of security. Some told me security equals money, safe, security guards, confidentiality and - surprise, surprise - bank. And when I asked what does security means, some said it is an instinct, it’s a guarantee, something prerequisite for happiness, and safety. Never came across our mind what actually security is and how important it is to have our sense of security. I, for one, always find security in the fulfilment of an obligation, and the protection in doing so. Without a constituent to fulfil, you will always running away from your reality. Without protection, you are vulnerable and easily lose your focus. Without obligation, the irreducible fundamental of the basis of security, you will have no means in your life. Living life with no goals, no real purpose - those who stand for nothing fall for everything.

I thought I had lost my sense of security. Did I change so that I lost myself? Did I do something owing me for this difficulty? Can I get over this? What is my plan now? The answer is I don’t know.

All I can gather now is, this does not need to be solved. (Read: HURRAH !!) It is a solution to itself; and I am the problem. I can no longer be ignorant. I can no longer be unwilling. I can no longer be passive. Life, as it is, bring problems and promises. Maybe it’s time for me to change.

I can no longer be hesitant. The fact that there are responsibilities on board warrants me to take actions. I can no longer be unenthusiastic. Difficult or ease, now is the time to make opportunities. NOW is the time for work. I cannot mould the circumstances into my own comfort. I have to follow the circumstances to fit in my comfort. All these changes are hard. What else can I do? Sit all day and give excuses?

I have always belief that the highest reward for a person’s toil is not what they get for it, but by what they’ve become from it. Changes happen. Although as mysterious as the dark alley behind my rented apartment, life also brings changes. You cannot hold changes forever. Maybe I was wrongdefining sense of security.

Maybe our only security lies in our ability to change.